Is It Normal for One Partner to Want Sex More Than the Other?
Many couples notice a difference in sexual desire between partners and worry that it signals a problem. One partner may want sex more frequently, while the other’s libido feels lower or vice versa. The truth is that this is extremely common and rarely indicates a failing relationship.
Unfortunately, we as a culture have done a horrible job educating on what desire and libido look like in real-life. Stories from pop-culture, books, porn, and (often exaggerated) stories from friends all contribute to unrealistic expectations regarding a couple’s sex life. Stories like, “If you really love him, you’d want to have sex…” or “True love means that sex will be effortless and passionate.” But understanding that desire is different from person to person and relationship to relationship, can reduce shame, improve communication, and help couples navigate mismatched desire with empathy rather than conflict.
Why Desire Often Differs Between Partners
Sexual desire is influenced by many factors, and it’s normal for partners’ libidos to fluctuate differently over time. Common influences include:
Biological factors: Hormones, medications, and age-related changes affect libido differently for each partner.
Life stressors: Work, parenting, and fatigue can reduce desire in one partner more than the other.
Emotional connection: Feeling disconnected, unheard, or unsupported can lower sexual interest.
Personality and temperament: Some people naturally have higher or lower baseline libido, which is not inherently right or wrong.
Recognizing that these differences are normal allows couples to approach the situation with curiosity rather than judgment.
When Desire Differences May Feel Challenging
Differences in sexual desire only become a problem when they cause:
Repeated arguments or resentment
Feelings of rejection or undesirability
Avoidance of intimacy or emotional withdrawal
If these patterns emerge, it doesn’t mean your relationship is failing. It means that the you could benefit from tools and support to navigate mismatched desire in a healthy way.
How Couples Can Navigate Mismatched Desire
Open communication: Talk honestly about needs, preferences, and feelings without blame.
Focus on connection: Emotional intimacy, shared activities, and non-sexual touch strengthen the bond and often support sexual desire.
Adjust expectations: Recognize that sexual frequency may differ, and intimacy can take many forms.
Professional support: Couples therapy—especially online couples therapy—can help partners understand patterns, improve communication, and develop strategies for navigating differences.
For more context on desire changes, see:
Why Sexual Desire Changes in Long-Term Relationships
The Myth of “Normal” Sex Drives in Long-Term Relationships
Takeaway
It is completely normal for one partner to want sex more than the other. Differences in desire are a natural part of human relationships and don’t reflect a lack of love. With open communication, empathy, and professional guidance when needed, couples can maintain intimacy, connection, and satisfaction even with mismatched sexual desire.
Looking for Support?
If differences in sexual desire are causing tension or frustration in your relationship, working with a licensed therapist can help. Online couples therapy makes it easy to explore mismatched desire, improve communication, and strengthen intimacy from the comfort of your home.
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